holding back? what's that?

It sucks when you hold yourself back out of fear, when you settle for writing in your journal, posting in some hidden blog, or worst, keeping it to yourself.

I wish I could tell you I miss you and I want you next to me as often as life would allow it.

Reminding someone how much you need them. Sometimes we underestimate its power. Some even find it repulsive. But I say it’s one of the greatest expressions of a person’s love for another. It’s one of the biggest risks you’ll ever take in your life and one needed to be taken if you are ever to truly love and be loved.

I am starting to sense that silent panic and anxiety that run through every senior as February kicks into full gear. The last push is always the hardest. Seniors, take one thing at a time. Next thing you’ll know, everything will be over.

Almost 2 years ago, I had my last Philosophy oral examinations. Philosophy 104: Ethics with Anton Sevilla. Until now, I clearly remember how it went. Maybe because it was the most nerve-wracking of all my oral exams.

I was asked which reading I liked best among all that we did in the semester. I said Kant’s and started explaining how Kant is not really that formal and rigid. Blah blah blah.

(The following account is very near to the real thing as I wrote it down after I had my orals.)

Prof: Ok. About Autonomy, why do we have to treat people as ends [and not just means to an end]?

Me: Because people have value.

P: Ok. So why do we have to recognize their value?

Me: People deserve respect. They’re human beings. They have value. Would you want that to be done to you? To be used? I don’t think so.

P: So why can’t you just protect yourself and use others? That can be done.

Me: But, sir, that disrespects others. It disrespects their being humans.

P: So why do we have to respect people? Why do we have to be good to people?

Me: Sir, WHY NOT? HAHAHAHA. (I honestly laughed. I was obviously getting frustrated. It’s one of those things that seem so self-explanatory and it was nowhere in the discussions in class. I wanted to pull out my hair.)

P:  Hahaha. I get what you’re saying. Instinctively, you KNOW you have to be good to people.  But why should you follow that knowledge?

Me: (Much silence from me.) Sir, what makes you so sure that if you use others, they wouldn’t use others, too? I mean, it’s a vicious cycle. Our society today is dominated by a gamitan system and we can’t seem to get out of it. The least you can do is try to get out of that system and cycle and show people that it’s good not to use others. At least try to make a change.

P: Ok then. So given our society today, what do you think is the kind of society that Kant wants?

Me: Sir, we’ve talked about this before. Kant doesn’t want a uniform society. He doesn’t want the same or equal outcome. He wants an authentic society, where people are responded to according to their personality. I think that’s what Berdyaev wants, too. Respond to the personalities and make a personality of your own.  The tension and paradox will exist, but you have to thrive in it.

P: All right. I think we can stop now. Thank you, Karla.

Surprisingly, I hadn’t used up the 12 minutes allotted for the exam.

The impeachment cases our country has seen in the last few years is a testament to what kind of society our politicians are promoting and catering to: the one that likes a show.

The Philippine government is exactly like a telenovela. The “api” get their revenge on the long standing/prevailing/dominant “kontrabida.” Well, at least that’s how they want to present it.

It’s a waste of energy, all of this (CJ Corona trial.)

No. Scratch that.

It’s important to go after those who may have wronged the country and its citizens. But when your case is based on a guy being rich (someone who’s bad money before he was a lawyer), the increasing net worth declared in his SALN, and a bunch of other suspicions (which they have been called out for by Enrile and Cuevas just today), should this come before more urgent problems in the Philippines?

Philippine politicians, if you want to put on a show, do it some other time when our country can afford it.