holding back? what's that?

Titas and Ninangs have often asked me what’s my kind of guy. I’ve often laughed and evaded answering the question completely. Eventually I gave answers like he has to be tall, athletic, gwapo, eloquent, smart. But lately my mind’s been forming different answers. I don’t know if it’s what you call maturity or simply ageing.

1)      Simple but ambitious. Guys who are too complicated when it comes to their likes, dislikes, hobbies, taste, style, philosophy in life, goals, principles, etc are tiring. I want someone who knows how to keep things simple and uncomplicated. The more simple and straightforward, the less riffraff (I hate riffraff from a guy.) we’ll both have to deal with in our relationship. But he has to be ambitious. He has to know what he wants and KNOWS how to get it. I cannot have a mediocre. Mediocrity can easily be disguised as simplicity.

2)      God-fearing. Yes, yes. What a cliché. But it’s true. Someone who truly knows how to pray and has complete faith in God knows how to respect certain “rules” in the universe. They are more amiable to be with. I don’t know. I can’t find the perfect term for it. But guys who are like this tend to be quite ok to be with. They know how to let things go and just leave them to God while giving the right amount of effort to make things work for them.

3)      Active but can be lazy with me. I like moving around and working out. He has to know how to keep up and push me when I’m too sluggishe. But there are days when I just want to hole up in my room/apartment, not fix myself up, and be lazy. He has to be able to do that with me. Share that laziness and possible comfortable silence or feeling of not doing anything with me.

4)      I won’t feel stupid for being with him. Some guys will make you feel like nagpapakatanga ka because you’re with him – like you’re shortchanging yourself by being with him. This feeling is caused by a lot of things. It could be that you’re literally smarter than him; or he doesn’t seem to deserve you being the people that you are (status, occupation, etc); or he’s just not treating you the way you’re supposed to be treated but you’re happy (so you think) when you’re with him so you keep him around.

5)      Knows what he wants. I mean, he knows what he wants to do with me and our relationship. I do not want a guy who doesn’t know what he wants to do with me so he keeps me around by making me think we’re actually going somewhere when he’s actually “keeping a cookie warm” till he’s ready for it (and chucks it the moment he realizes he doesn’t want it). I don’t think it’s fair. It’s ok to keep me around, but don’t lock me in a situation where we’re like a couple but we’re really not. If you know you want to be with me, you’ll do anything to keep me.

6)      I can talk to. I don’t need a Sheldon Cooper or a cum laude or someone who graduated from an Honors Program. I need someone who can talk to me and whom I can talk to. I’m known to be talkative, but it really is a case-to-case basis for me. I only talk when I feel really comfortable with you. And you have to be watchful of my topics when I do talk because if I only talk about things that I think will please you, then there is something really wrong with what we have. I need to be relaxed when I talk to you and be able to let the words flow without having to worry what you would think about what I just said.

7)      Someone I can relax with. I think a lot of girls will agree with me that sometimes when we like someone, we tend to be calculating and scheming – always trying to figure out what our next move should be to keep the guy interested and make him fall for us. Well, I don’t want any of that anymore. I want someone who’ll like me for whatever I dish out. It’s unbelievably hard to find someone whom you can trust to like you and stay interested even if you mess up or not do what they are expecting or hoping you’d do.

8) Make me feel important. Whether it comes to defending me against family and friends members who hate me, or spending time with me, I want someone who will make me feel that I am valuable to him. He has to make me feel that I can trust him to stand by me no matter what. I am quite capable of defending myself, but I want someone who will voluntarily defend me even if I don’t ask for it. And as to spending time with me, I hate feeling like what I’m getting are just leftovers of whatever time he has — na parang napilitan lang siyang isingit ako sa schedule niya.

That’s it for me. If you feel like I missed anything, feel free to tell me. :)